As a psychotherapist in Palm Beach County I know it can be difficult for women to find their perfect man. That's why I have the following dating advice tips for women in Palm Beach County.
1) Meet guys by doing things you like to do
Seems so simple right? But hardly any women looking for a relationship in Palm Beach County do it.
What are your hobbies? What are your favorite sports? Do you love music?
You need to get out and participate in activities you really like. There's more than a good chance you'll meet a terrific guy who enjoys the same things you do! You could join a charitable organization or local co-ed sports team. Whatever you're passionate about.
And it doesn't matter if it's something you've never tried before. If there's something you've always dreamt about doing, go out and try it. You're not going to find your perfect man in Palm Beach County just sitting home doing nothing. Go out and live your life and see what happens.
2) Internet Dating in Palm Beach County
Why not give it a try? For the most part, it's under your control. You can meet the guys "virtually" and decide whether not going on a date with them makes sense. It's a great way to practice dating so you can get better at it. Meaning, the more dates you go on, the more you know exactly what you're looking for.
Of course you need to be careful when internet dating. Be sure to be very cautious and meet your dates in a public place first.
3) Avoid dating men you work with
As a therapist in Palm Beach County I've worked with women who have dated men they work with and typically it doesn't work out and leads to problems. Yes, there are cases where it does, but again, more often that not inner-office romances phizzle out. And that can lead to extremely uncomfortable situations at work.
4) Make sure you're the person you want to attract
That means you've done some work on yourself. Chances are, if you're constantly dating the wrong guys it's because you have some "inner-work" to do on yourself. If you want to attract a great guy you need to have your "stuff" together.
Are you emotionally healthy? Financially stable? Do you take care of yourself physically?
Dating in Palm Beach County can be a little stressful. But if you follow this simple advice you'll be well on your way to meeting your perfect man!
Filed under Dating by admin.
Many people go about their lives not even knowing why they feel the way they do. At times they may feel sad, depressed and angry. They also may experience nightmares and anxiety for no reason. The reason why people may feel this way is due to past traumatic events. These feelings are being triggered by something today that occurred in your past. We experience triggers in our environment through our reality (cognitively) and the five senses, on a daily basis. The five senses are tasting, touching, smelling,seeing and hearing.These are your five senses and this is the way past trauma is transfered to today. The most common sense that we transfer trauma is by smell.
Remember, when you were younger and you visited your grandparents home and it may have had a unique smell, or your grandmother was cooking a special dinner. When you smell this smell today it brings you right back to that time when you were young. This is pretty cool, if the memories are happy.
If the memories involve negative feelings, then instantly you feel a negative vibe within yourself. This could be symptoms of post traumatic stress.
The feelings could also stem from a general unhappiness in your perception and then depression would need to be explored.
If you suffered from sexual, physical or emotional abuse, triggers may occur and you need to be aware of them, in order to begin to address the past trauma and begin the healing process.
Also be aware that other things as wll can cause trauma. These may include witnessing a traumatica event, experiencing a natural disaster, grief or loss if not processed. These triggers can stop you in your tracks. At times they may interrupt your work, relationships and how you feel about yourself. Thus affecting your self esteem.
Another reason to address your trauma and enter therapy, is the fact that your emotions may rule you, and this leaves you very vulnerable to be abused again. Sometimes under stressful circumstances your thinking could become rigid and unrational, and you may say and do things that you regret. This is what I mean in regards to your emotions ruling you.
If addressed you can heal from the trauma and move forward in your life, not holding back due to fear.
I am certified in a cognitive therapy called EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing). This therapy has been proven to assist in helping people decrease symptoms of trauma and experince less sadness, depression, anxiety, flashbacks, nighmares etc.
Go to EMDR.com and read about about this therapy, and call my office for an appointment.
You deserve to feel happy and enjoy all that life has to offer.
Carol Moore, LCSW, therapist in North Palm Beach, Fl. 561-775-7020
Filed under Abuse by admin.
Do You trust yourself?
Are you the girl who needs to talk to her girlfriends after every date? Do you need to get the approval from your friends to help you make decisions about him.
Would you dump him if your friends didn't like him?
Please trust yourself, and if you need assistance in learning how to trust yourself, get a therapist. When we talk to our friends about our relationships or dates it can cause more confusion.
The more friends we confide in, the more confusing the decision. Please make sure that if you are going to confide in a friend, she or he needs to have a positive outlook in their own lives.
To many times, unconsciously, we may surround ourselves with negative friends, and although they are your friends they may not be the best ones to talk to about your relationships.
Short story - I started dating a very nice man, and wanted to share this with one of my girlfriends. I realized after a couple of different times when I would share my feelings with her, she was negative and pessimistic and I was influenced by this negativity and it affected me in my relationship. So now I pay attention to who I share with. I choose friends who are in positive relationships and have positive attitudes about dating.
This feels better and keeps me trying and looking forward in my relationship and in my life.
You don't want to dwell on negativity, it's so easy to go down this path, but the path will continue to be negative until you decide to change it.
I am reading a book called New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's purpose by Eckhart Tolle. He shares a new concept that is spreading in that people need to stay in the present and not dwell on the past, and not worry about the future. Friends that are negative or pessimistic may be dwelling in past and bringing you into their past and their insecurities.
It's up to you to pick the people that you share with. And don't underestimate how their issues, challenges and obstacles can affect you. You certainly have enough on your plate. You don't need anyone else's baggage. But this is what you will get if you confide in too many friends or negative friends.
So Trust Yourself. This is something you can learn and practice even if you don't feel confident now.
Start learning and practicing by reading, meditating, singing, dancing and surrounding yourself with positive people.
Contact a therapist, if you feel the need to. A therapist can help you become more aware and hold you accountable for positive change.
I am available for therapy, if you live locally, and by phone if you live out of the area.
Filed under relationship by admin.
Come on, don't be afraid of opening your heart. Opening your heart is the only way to find and keep true love. But most of us are to fearful to do this. This is because we probably had our heart broken a few times in the past, and God forbid you let it happen again. Open your heart and face your fears. Fear is the absence of trust in yourself. One of my favorite authors, Iyanla Vanzant wrote "Fear is an acronym for False Expectations Appearing Real". In my opinion, fear is the one core feeling that holds us back from meeting our goals in life, no matter what they are.
So what are you afraid of?
Could it be rejection, disappointment, fear of abandonment, guilt, anger, or hurt? Or just about anything you can think of to rationalize the reasons why you don't or can't move forward in your life?
How many masks or disguises do you wear to protect yourself?
Are you afraid of success or afraid of failing? Is this what keeps you stuck in your comfort zone? But at least if you stay here you will know what to expect and what is familiar, right?
For most people staying in a miserable but safe place is better then venturing out on the tightrope of life. The struggle continues until you open up your heart and look inside and figure the fear that is holding you back from thriving in your life. Unfortunately, most people don't want to know, so they continue on their journey, ignorant of knowing what they want and accepting what they have as enough. What a waste of life.But if you have the courage to want to change and be genuine inside and outside, you can do anything you put your mind to.Hope Springs Eternal!
So relax and take a deep breath and begin your new life. This will involve hard work, but such joy and liberation in the process. The pain both emotional and physical is the process of learning, so don't stop when it becomes hard and don't let your fears rule your heart.
LOVE YOURSELF, and realize that you may make mistakes along your journey. As you work at this process of becoming genuine within yourself, you will be surprised in the men you will meet. They will be more honest, sincere, loving, good listeners, and willing to communicate when things get tough. The reason why the men will be different is because you are different, you are giving off a genuine, beautiful vibe and they will come to you.
The other men you were meeting will still be out there, but you will not be attracting them as you did in your prior dating/relationship world.
Because of your authenticity to yourself and that you are in touch with your feelings, you will be conscious of what you want, and you will be able to turn down what looks good on the outside.
Because you will know and feel that getting involved with this person would not be in your best interest you will not want to have this negative experience in your life.
Practice being honest and authentic inside your heart and head, and communicate this with words and your behavior and your life will change. In fact all of your relationships will change. But this means working through your fears, telling the truth and defining your boundries.
So stop playing games with yourself and others and begin healing. Then you can have what you desire in this life.
Implement the positive and honest characteristics in yourself that you would like to find in a life long loving relationship.
Everyday that goes by, think and act in a positive way. Be gracious for what you have and ask for what you desire.
Wishing you Love!
Filed under relationship by admin.
The biggest reason I am writing about roadblocks, is to help the women of the world become more aware of the negative patterns and behavior in their dating and in their relationhsips. I believe as a psychotherapist, you can overcome roadblocks if you are willing to do the work that it takes to be completely honest with yourself and make the changes so that you can have the relationships that you desire.
You Deserve to have Loving Relationships!
It is in my opinion, that most of the time your roadblocks seem to pop up around intimacy. When you become intimately involved emotionally and physically with a man your emotional baggage that normally is put away, is brought out in the open and carried around on a daily basis. This can cause you to experience increased anxiety, insecurities, irrational thinking and in some cases poor judgement. I will address what I have seen most from the women I have worked with in my private practice. This information has been gathered from real women having the courage to come into therapy to look at themselves and work through the pain of the past and their present circumstances.Lets begin with number one: The road block of not paying attention to the red flags that you choose to ignore on the first dates. Not paying attention to your intuition and attempting to move forward in what is most likely a dead end relationship, that you probably knew from the beginning. These are the red flags that you know and feel, but are willing to overlook or deny. This may be due to feelings that you are initially unaware of including: loneliness, feeling desperate, feeling though time is running out or wanting to feel close with someone. You mistake an unhealthy relationship, believing it is real intimacy.
This is when you really feel that he cares for you, but you begin to feel insecure due to his actions toward you. He does not call you on a regular basis, he does not keep his promises, he disappears and you cannot get in touch with him. He has very good explanations, and you accept them, at least at first, until it becomes a pattern that you cannot live with.
This is the first roadblock because it is the beginning of a relationship. It is the most important time to pay attention to the men who you are meeting. The relationship will never prosper if it is the wrong man.
So if you keep meeting men and dating, and it not working out then go back to the beginning, and look at your participation. You are picking the men that you find attractive, so you cannot blame the men. Please don’t blame youself either, just learn and practice better dating.
Find a friend who is in a happy and secure relationship and have a conversation with her/him to find out how you can change how you are looking yourself, and why you are choosing the type of men that are keeping you in a rut. What’s going on within you, that you continue to pick men that are not real relationship material.
You may also need to take a break from dating, learn a new hobby, read a book, but make sure it's a positive book, increase or start an exercise program. You can also take a weekend trip, spend time with friends/family, start a diet if you feel the need. Keep your mind and body busy with healthy projects to take your mind off dating for at least a month.
You can also make an appointment with a therapist to explore the reasons for your choices and to make the positive changes so you can feel the happiness and peace in all of your relationships. I can be reached by phone at 561-775-7020, and will accept phone sessions. If you are in the area, I would be delighted to meet with you in person.
Remember relationships are a work in progress. So keep positive and you will get what you want.
Filed under Dating by admin.
I was out to dinner with my girlfriends celebrating my birthday and of course the topic of dating always seems to come up. My one girlfriend is married, and the other is single and dating on the internet. I am single and have never dated on the internet, so this topic was very interesting and I thought I would write about it.
I asked my girlfriend how she liked internet dating. She stated that you learn how to handle rejection. She went on to explain that the rejection comes in the way of having just one date with no call back. Meeting strange and odd men. Meeting a man you may find attractive and apparently from the no call back learning he was not attracted to you.
It seems so ironic that we have to meet men like this. Call me old fashion, but do we really meet the men we want to meet on the internet? Is this what dating has come to, meeting on the computer? It feels so impersonal, even though the internet dating companies attempt to make it personal and somehow romantic.
I know its technology, but what is the world coming to that we have to meet people through a machine? We are so busy that we have no time to date, so we come home at night after our jobs and sit in front of the computer and live out our romances.
I attempted instead of dating through the internet to try out an actual dating service. A woman met with me personally and took many notes, so they could match me with someone who I might be compatible with. This service was expensive and truth be told they were not very good match makers. I went out on at least nine dates they had set me up with, according to my profile. Not one of the dates was a match. not one ended up with a second date. I told the service that I was not impressed or even merely satisfied. So after the ninth date that ended with a quick hand shake, I decided to cancel the service, even a though I had paid for more dates.
Most of the men were nice but definitely not my type. There was absolutely no chemistry.
So I took a break to gather my thoughts.
A couple of my other girlfriends were going out on date after date, and telling me their stories of the men they were meeting. Most of their dates did not progress to any type of relationship.
If I were to say something positive about internet dating, it would be that it is very proactive. Most women work full time and the internet is an easy way to meet men, and to converse prior to meeting them. My dating service provided what were completely blind dates. And as you know, while blind dates can be very exciting most of the time they are just nerve racking, if you know what I mean.
Another important issue is that the internet appears to be mainstream for younger women, this is how they date. I you don't meet men during college, at work or through friends then the internet could be a way of getting comfortable dating. It's better then meeting men at bars, where everybody is drinking.
Remember that there are many ways of dating and the internet seems to be one of the most popular. So it would be my advice if you decide to internet date be prepared to weed out the frogs. Be prepared for emotions that you feel and don't take it personally if it doesn't work out. I know that you could be sitting at home doing nothing and complaining about it, so if you are internet dating I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there. Keep up the good work and will you meet your perfect man.
Filed under Dating by admin.
Practice makes Perfect!
Yes, it’s true the more you date the better you get at it. The better you become in picking up on the red flags, social cues and other important issues that will save you time and heartache. Dating will become a more positive learning experience. You will feel less disappointed if things don’t work out. You will know that it was not the right fit, rather then beating yourself up or becoming to critical on yourself. In order to pick up on the potential problems when dating, you must have a positive attitude, and have worked on your own interpersonal challenges and strengths.
I cannot say enough, that it is you that picks the man that you let into your life. If you have been attracting jerks into your life, then chances are you are not happy with yourself, so subconsciously you will attract the jerks in the room, not the nice guys.
Ladies, everybody needs self improvement, so I beg you, please start looking at yourself and your behaviors and thought patterns so that you stop dating men that disrespect you.
As a therapist, I see women that make the mistake of ignoring their intuition. They get involved emotionally and have sex and then later regret it. When you jump into bed too soon, it is difficult to then see the red flags that were probably waving at you on the first date(s). When women get involved emotionally and physically we give off a hormone called oxytocin. This hormone is called the bonding hormone. It is also seen in women who breast feed. If this is the case, it would potentially make it more difficult to pay attention to your intuition, once you have had sex.
One rule of thumb is to never have sex on the first date. Practice self control and get to know him better. This saves regret, and most men will respect you for your decision. If he does not call you again forget him, and move on.
The next time you go out on a date(s), pay attention to your surroundings and his behaviors.
Here are some obvious and not so obvious flags to look for on your first few dates:
Obvious
Did he attempt to sleep with you on the first date
Did he arrive late for the date
Does he have good manners
Pay attention to his maturity level
Does he treat the staff with respect
Did he take care of the bill
Did he touch you inappropriately
Is he dressed for the occasion
Is he paying attention to you, or does he have a wandering eye
Does he disappear during the date
Does he answer his cell phone during the date and why? There needs to be a good reason!
Not so obvious
What is his attitude toward women
Is he arrogant
Is he an angry person
Is his past to much to handle,
Are their to many family issues
Does he have a tendency toward physical or emotional abuse
Is he controlling
Does he talk to much about his income or money issues
There are many more that I’m sure you could add to the list. The idea is, to take off your rose colored glasses and open your eyes, ears, and intuition so that that you can learn about the men you are meeting.
More importantly, you learn about yourself in this process and you can use this knowledge in any circumstance.
Dating can be diffiucult but knowledge is the key! Don’t be jerked around and remember to respect yourself.
Filed under Dating by admin.
Do you seem to find yourself continually meeting frogs, but wanting to meet a prince? If this is you, then you need to open your eyes and pay attention to who you are dating. More importantly, pay attention to the red flags. It is very important to recognize the flags that may be waving at you on your first date so that you don't waste your time. Some of these signs are obvious and some are more subtle. It's up to you to figure out if he is dating material.
The real trick is to not be desperate or come across as lonely or needy. Men pick up on these signs. And you should probably not be dating until you address the above issues or other obstacles that keep you from your prince. I am not saying that you won't meet and date frogs. However, it the wiser woman who is able to notice a frog and say goodbye without emotional ties. Because you know and I know that the more we stay in something that we know does not feel right the more we tend to get tangled up in our emotions.It is up to you to weed out the frogs ,and this is done by knowing yourself and feeling confident on dates so that you can pay attention to the man that is before you.
The more CONFIDENT you are, the more relaxed you are the more you can be yourself, in this process.
You know, and I know what the most obvious red flag is. Yes, the big waving red flag that is around a man who is not divorced. I know what you’re thinking, I didn’t have to read this to know that a married man is off limits. Then let me ask you this question: Why do I know women, and you know women, who either have or are seeing a married man?
Why do intelligent independent women get caught up in this situation?
The main reason is because they are lonely and desparate. Furthermore, these women are usually meeting men just like them. What I mean is that they are meeting men who are not available to them in one way or another because they are not available themselves. The level I am talking about is an emotional level. A level of intimacy that cannot be reached if you are feeling fearful, vulnerable or the need to protect your heart.
Just think about it, if you are not ready for a real relationship then you will find a man that is also not ready for a real relationship.
Let me tell you a story of a young woman 27 years old that came into therapy because she had become involved with a 37 year old man who was married. It started out as innocent flirting and then before she knew it, she was having a full blown affair. They had to sneak around in order to be with each other. By the time this woman came into my office for therapy the affair had been going on for 5 years. During this time he did separate from his wife and he was filing for divorce but for some reason it never happened. Who knows why, maybe he felt t guilty or was worried about his children or splitting up the money. The divorce was put on hold. She could not seem to move on, she was stuck in a relationship where the sneaking around was getting old. She wanted more and although he said he wanted more, it never happened.
This is when she and I began to work on increasing her self esteem and working through the obstacles in her life that were keeping her stuck.
She was in love with him or at least at the time this is what she thought she felt. Now, after she has looked back on the relationship she realizes that it was more of an addiction then a relationship. He was her drug and she was hooked.
It was so painful to watch her go through the break ups and the get back togethers and the arguments, resentments and anger that followed. But it wasn’t until she began to learn about her own behavior in the relationship and her pattern of meeting unavailable men it became so apparent it was she who was emotionally unavailable. She was the one picking the men and staying with them. She now wanted a man that was available to her both emotionally and physically. She wanted to be loved by someone.
This road has been long with twists and turns but now she realizes she will not meet her prince before she heals the wounds within herself. She needed to first love herself and feel worthy of love and accept nothing less. She began looking at her family, her mother and fathers’ relationship with each other and her own relationship with her mother and father. She grew up with a father who was addicted to substances and he was not there for her emotionally as a little girl. Her father was an unhealthy male role model.
I could go on and on but you get the idea. In order for her to meet her ideal man and move forward she needed to look back and figure out her own emotional issues and her own unhealthy behavior. She is now in a healthy relationship and continues to work through her feelings on a daily basis.
How about you?
Filed under Dating by admin.
What is holding you back is usually your fear to look ahead. We may or may not realize that it is fear of change that holds us back from meeting our goals. We go along everyday on our way doing the same things and expecting different results. We don't take the time to stop and pay attention to how our decisions affect our lives. What we tend to do is to blame others and complain about others, instead of looking at ourselves.
Whether you are in a relationship or just dating please pay attention to this information.
We all have hurdles to jump in order to meet our goals. We need to be proactive in our lives and responsible for our own happiness.
Do not expect someone else to be responsible for YOUR happiness!
Most of the time we tend to stay in familiar circumstances because at least we know what to expect. This is called a pattern. We all have them, and it is up to us, to stop procrastinating and stop making the same mistakes.
When you continually date and it never works out, then you need to pay attention to who you are attracting. Pay attention to the men you are meeting, and how they play a part in your unhealthy pattern.
Most of the time these patterns we develop have alot to do with our past. I'm not saying that you need to go back and psychoanalyze your family however, it would be to your advantage to at least take a closer look at your past. Is your past playing a part in your present? Does there appear to be a pattern or a feeling that is familiar to you that comes from your past.
In order to move forward sometimes we have to go back, especially if you continue to be unhappy in your life and your choices.
You need to explore obstacles in your path and correct them in order to have what you desire.
Some of the patterns that you can take a look at include, growing up with a parent or parents that abused substances , abused each other, emotionally, verbally or physically. Parents that were not around physically or emotionally due to various reasons such as, mental illness, or working many hours. You may have been in a family where there were many children, and you felt unimportant, you may have been adopted, taken from your family, grown up with family members besides your mother and father. You may have had to deal with grief issues, financial difficulties, divorce, and feeling abandoned.
There are plenty of other scenarios that I did not mention but you get the idea that your family does have an impact on you. And it is up to you to recognize and change if you cannot find peace and happiness.
I know you are asking yourself, so now what, what can I do to fix myself and start living the life I deserve.
You can start by increasing your awareness of how you act and think.
If your thinking is negative and pessimisstic then you will likely attract negative and pessimisstic people into your life. Change this negativity to more positive by making an effort everyday and even minute by minute. When something happens in your day that is not positive, notice how you think and then change it to a more positive thought .
Remember, it is your state of mind that matters the most, and you do have control over your thoughts. Others things you can do to increase your awareness is journal your thoughts and feelings, read articles or books to understand the pattern you want to change. Go and talk to a therapist about how you can make positive changes.
Continue things such as exercise, spending time with others that care about you, and doing the things that you like. These things put a positive spin on your life and you may even meet someone, while having fun.
Please remember that you are the most important person in your life and you need to take care of yourself. The other things will fall into place!
Be positive and you will find the love and happiness you deserve and desire!
Filed under relationship, Dating by admin.
If you are having trouble in a relationship or finding a relationship, you are probably standing in the way of your own happiness. When I see women in my practice they usually present confused, angry, and frustrated with themselves or the men in their lives. They are trying to figure out the men, and they need to step back and figure out themselves. First focus on you and then focus on the relationship.
Then you can get out of your way, and be on your way to finding HAPPINESS.
You can start by increasing your awareness of your obstacles,challenges and blind spots in your own personality and your expectations of yourself and others. Yes,I personally feel that all of us carry around extra emotional baggage but this does not mean that life needs to be so hard or that you cannot be happy. Being HAPPY for the most part is a state of mind. You have choices, you can choose to be happy with yourself in or out of a relationship.
Becoming aware of your own short comings is the first step to increasing your happiness. This awareness can then shift your thinking pattern so that you become more aware of your behavior in your relationships or if you are dating. Knowing yourself and feeling good about yourself will enable you to then focus on your current relationship or on the men you are dating.
When you feel confident in yourself, you will feel more comfortable in dating or meeting new people. You will know when to say yes to a second date or move on after a first date and not feel discouraged or have that sinking feeling in your stomach when you feel disappointed.
If you are in a relationship you will find yourself being able to communicate on a less defensive level, and being open to constructive criticism without lashing out at your guy in order to protect yourself.
Happiness comes from within and the understanding of your thinking pattern and your behavior that comes from your thinking. To begin, pay attention the way you think, especially under stressful circumstances and stop denying the fact that you may need to do some changing to feel the peace and happiness that you deserve.
Truthfully, it does require work from you, and your motivation to change in order for this work. You cannot sit on the side line and hope that the right man will come along, you need to be proactive in your search for happiness. It is then when you have the courage to face your fears that your life will begin to change and the people you attract will also change.
This is only the beginning, now you will need to even push yourself further in order to continue on journey of self discovery.
In the future, I will discuss and process the patterns that women fall into that STOP them from finding happiness and meeting their perfect man.
Stay Tuned!
Filed under relationship, Dating by admin.
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